Bizarre things children say to you and visa versa !

I recently found myself uttering the sentence “No you are not allowed to eat any more eyeballs until you’ve finished your lettuce.”  Granted if I lived, and was raising my child, in a witch’s coven this may be a perfectly common turn of phrase, but having uttered these words I started to think about the statements made in a house once you are a parent.  Or indeed statements made by your children that are really just part of a typical day.

Only this weekend my daughter said the following:

  • I can be a better pig
  • Oh no he just swallowed your bra
  • I need to wash my jelly

Now each of these were perfectly normal statements when taken in context.  She was doing an impression of a pig (obviously) and decided that putting on a pig mask would make her a better pig .. the mask was actually the lid of a pig shaped bin into which she then unceremoniously threw some of my underwear pretending the pig had eaten it for dinner.   As for the jelly – well if you drop your jelly on the carpet wouldn’t you want to wash it before carrying on with your pudding ?  Far nicer without all the fluff.

As all parents will testify, once you have children you begin to come out with the most ridiculous statements on a daily basis.

I have found myself saying: “Alright then we will wave goodbye to the poo .. bye bye poopy, bye bye.”  I’ve said: “don’t put your hand in the soup”; “take that out of your nose”; “put your bum away”; “no of course they aren’t worms .. I’m not going to give you worms for dinner”;  “you have to ask permission to be a dog” and “yes that poo is a very funny shape .. well I wouldn’t exactly say a penguin .. but funny nevertheless.”

And then there are the questions – the endless questions – which require quickfire answers.  Depending on the timing of such questions you can usually come up with something plausible to satisfy them – answers to questions like “why aren’t there elephants in England?” and “why are there so many stars” are fine.  Its harder when you get asked by a 4 year old very loudly in the park “Mummy what are those round things hanging at the back of that dog?”, or by small child running into your room (when you thought they were asleep), jumping on the bed at an inconvenient moment and asking  “Why do people have eyebrows?”.  I think I explained that they keep the sweat out of your eyes .. or something similar… really can’t recall.

And sometimes they just share with you all the fantastic things that enter their fabulous little imaginations.  I was once on the underground at half term when a little boy was challenging his Dad with the perfectly logical question of “Why don’t dinosaurs drive trains?” and I recently saw via a friend’s facebook status a little girl wanting to know “Why the moon doesn’t have feet.”

Often however you will get statements and opinions rather than questions and the wonderful thing about the mind of a child is the sheer certainty of what they think, like and believe – so I will leave you with a few of my favourite little gems from my daughter:

  • “Wouldn’t it be brilliant if the entire world was made of baked beans”
  • “I really like broccoli it makes me feel like I’m a giant eating a tree”
  • “The person in the car in front looks like they are dressed like a great big sausage”
  • “I think there might be lots of aliens in my underwear”

I would love to hear either some of the bizarre things your children say or the crazy things  you have heard coming out of your own mouths so please do share 🙂

And if you are still wondering about the whole eyeball/ lettuce thing … my sister recently bought the little one a jar of sweets shaped like eyeballs .. like I said when analysed these sentences are perfectly sane !


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