Food Fun with Kids

Well folks its the time of year for a bit of festive sausage – and no, that is not a euphemism.  It is of course the season to be jolly and eat pigs in blankets one of the best sausage related delicacies you could wish for.  As it happens we actually had a bit of a healthy debate about the Christmas meal this year – should we do goose ? 3 bird roast? beef fillet or go traditional with turkey?  Turkey won but purely down to the “peripherals” as it turned out – ie: the array of different stuffings and the little piggies all wrapped up.

_DSC4056

I was prompted to write this post after seeing this image on facebook this morning which made me smile.

2013-12-20_0007

It also made me reflect on the amount of fun you can have with food if you see things through a kids eyes and use a bit of imagination.  I would like to put a strong caveat here … instagraming or otherwise photographing your dinner is annoying – don’t do it – it’s a trend that I hate with a vengeance.  Unless it’s presented to perfection by a Michelin starred chef or done for sheer comedy value – don’t do it !  I like this (somewhat paraphased) quote I saw along the lines of  “Do you remember the days before facebook when you photographed your dinner, took the film to be developed, then took the prints around to all your friend’s houses and showed them pictures of your dinner?  NO ? Me neither, so please stop “… so true.

Rant over – back to pictures of my dinner ….

In seriousness at Christmas we do tend to go a bit all out on the food stakes but the small sausage lover isn’t so keen on things like mini dressed crabs and other seafood related starters, and since I refuse to let her have sausages for starters and for main, last year I decided instead to fashion her a cheese reindeer which went down pretty well.  

2013-12-20_0001The main problem with this sort of behaviour is that you set high dinner expectations or as the older generation would like to say in relation to parenting “ooohhh you are making a rod for your own back”.  And sure enough there are now days when requests are presented to me – along the lines of “this is what I would like my dinner to look like”.

2013-12-20_0008Any excuse to make a rice beard works for me.  The little one herself is bit of genius when it comes to making food fun.  The sausage cigar is a personal all time favourite for me as I think its a pretty passable Tony Soprano impression – a programme for obvious reasons she has never seen.

2013-12-20_0002

And who is this fella below I hear you ask .. well obviously this is Colin the Christmas Potato !  Surely this is a feature of every home at this time of year ?  No ? OK.  He even reappeared at new year mourning a few of his relatives that were used as part of the menu.

2013-12-20_0004

Once you put your mind to it you can be quite inventive .. Octopi swimming here as you can see …

2013-12-20_0006

Or just blatantly childish …

2013-12-20_0003

It’s all good fun and most of my attempts to be honest are pretty damn amateurish …

2013-12-20_0005

But it might help out a fussy eater or give you something to take your mind off of the fact that there are still a few hours until bed time or wine o’clock.  Mind you there is always some smart arse that goes and ruins it for the rest of us … check out these amazing works of art !!

Advertisements
Posted in Kids, Parenthood & Sausages | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Elf on the Shelf, Gnomes and the “Classroom Toy”

The sausage diaries has been quiet for way too long as life is madly busy but I’ve been spurred into blogging by the seasonal images of The Elf on the Shelf which are appearing across the internet.

For those of you that don’t know of this phenomenon it’s a small toy elf with slightly creepy staring eyes that you have to put around the house in a different place each night. The kids it seems think the elf is real and that it positions itself about the house – wherein lies the magic of Christmas (or so say the reviews on Amazon…)

Screen Shot 2013-12-04 at 20.00.22

This reminded me of a time a few years ago when I lived in Australia in a shared flat with Brits, Aussies and Canadians and, following a few too many “tinnies” one day, myself and a mate purchased some Gnomes which we proceeded to use to “surprise” one another when it was least expected. Gnomes turned up in your bed, lying on the kitchen floor surrounded by the debris of a drinking bender, waiting for you in a row at the top of the stairs looking annoyed when you came in late at night and other scenarios that were slightly more x-rated !  Suffice to say we had hours of fun with them – one of them even ended up backpacking further afield for some considerable time.  Mind you being china there was always going to be the odd casualty .. but we did of course hold a memorial service !

230982_5308297175_7551_n

In fairness our Gnomes were used the interests of comedy but such things could always be used in a less benevolent manner.  My Mum used to talk about a distant relative in Wales that slowly sent his wife insane by moving the garden gnomes around.  Every time she went into the garden the gnomes were looking at her … always staring at her, no matter where she was …  a situation that got more and more disturbing as time went on.

I’m thinking there may be a few kids who are slightly freaked out my the Elf on the Shelf idea.  My daughter just informed me that she wouldn’t like it much if she woke up and the Elf was looking right at her.  A comment I found ironic from someone that has an army of cuddly toys staring at her from every conceivable angle in her bedroom …. like an insane M15 surveillance campaign .. but with snuggly fur and cute names… 

I actually think the elf thing is fun but my main concern is the restraint you would have to show as a parent to be neither incredibly childish nor entirely twisted when coming up with ideas!   Personally I can barely be relied upon to be something sensible when the little one comes home armed with the Classroom Toy and it’s diary.  Photo below is a case in point …. 

photo-2

Frankly it goes without saying that if there were an Elf in this house I’d be up to all sorts of creative nonsense along the lines of this blog of inappropriate images ….. perhaps I should get one of the little fellas after all ?

Posted in Kids, Parenthood & Sausages | 1 Comment

On exercise and motherhood

Today I am suffering with some rather stiff legs having done an exercise class yesterday which at one point involved being on the floor in a plank one minute and then morphing into an impression of a Gekko the next !  

Suffice to say a couple of months ago if you’d told me I would be spending time in a room of Lycra clad ladies grunting and impersonating small reptiles twice a week, I would have been sceptical !

Exercise and myself are not the most comfortable of partners – don’t get me wrong, I have always been pretty active, I don’t lie about all day eating pies but neither do I go out running every day or update Facebook incessantly with every gym workout.

I suppose what I mean is I’ve never really stuck to a formal exercise regime.  I’ve tried the approach where you join the gym and pay the money “to make you go” – I worked in London so I took out membership of a fancy gym … this never worked for me .. It’s the physical equivalent of getting all heathy and buying a ton of fresh fruit and as Eddie Izzard says you get home, you put it all in a nice bowl “and you watch it rot”.  I watched the money leave my account each month whilst eschewing the gym in favour of post-work glasses of Pinot Grigio.

In the past I’ve done 5k runs, Ashtanga Yoga, trained for two Himalayan treks via stepping machines and treadmills and tried numerous classes – aerobics, step aerobics, power aerobics.  I’ve attempted dance based exercise only to discover I have the coordination of a drunk octopus and spend much of the class sitting giggling at the back.

I’ve tried forms of yoga other than Ashtanga yoga – they don’t work for me. One class was run by an extremely vague woman in a taffeta turban who wanted us all to imagine we were the colour orange – cue more giggling and being told off and asked to take the class seriously.  Another was all about gentle stretching and relaxing and feeling contented – well I don’t go to exercise classes to relax –  I go to work hard and feel like I’ve done something.  If I want to stretch and relax and feel contented then I can lie on my sofa with a nice glass of wine in my hand and Game of Thrones on the T.V.

I think we often have a compulsion to get fit, lose weight and feel better – but without question this feeling increases as you get older and particularly after you have had a child – wanting to get back your pre-baby body can be a bit of an obsession.  After my daughter was born I got a 3-wheeler buggy that I could ” go jogging with”.  I went.  I went at least 3 or 4 times.  Then she got too big for the buggy.  Obviously I couldn’t take it out without her in it and look like a crazy woman with an imaginary baby.  On reflection I could have just jogged anyway ………. but somehow it didn’t happen.

I also took the buggy to “Buggy fit” classes for a time.  Note to exercise instructors this is a great idea – anywhere that you can exercise and take your baby and not pay for childcare is a winner.  I did the class with lots of other mums and we all had coffee and cake and gossiped afterwards.  It wasn’t long before we all realised we could see each other for the coffee and the cake and the gossip part without having to run about with the buggies and do sit-ups …. so that was that.

So I’ve dabbled in odd classes here and there since but my “baby” is now 8 I couldn’t continue to blame her for the extra pounds and wobbly bits.   Something needed to be done  – I’ve tried things – I’ve done them for a while but I’ve never really stuck at it .. I guess the main thing is I’ve never really enjoyed it !  [The exception is Ashtanga but it’s next to impossible to find classes].  So I set about trying to find something that I would enjoy but where I would work hard.  As a self-employed parent I have a lot of guilt around “Me Time” – horrid expression – and believed if I was going to take time out of my working day then I needed something that felt like I was really exercising.

So on the recommendation of lots of people I tried some fabulous classes with a local business called Bodyforce.  I’ve tried Boxercise with them, and Bodyshock (the class mentioned above which is full of high intensity work and weights and lots of squats and Abs) – the first time I did it I’m not sure my body was shocked as much as resigned to give in and die – but its getting more manageable.  I have yet to try Caveman Conditioning a really popular outdoor class but have done some similar exercises in the Metabolic Meltdown class where tyres are humped across fields, weights dragged with ropes through the mud, and various other forms of (enjoyable) torture.

It’s early days but a few weeks in I’ve been attending regularly – the Instructor is fabulous and funny, the other attendees are a great bunch, we work hard, sweat a lot, do endless squats and other evil things but laugh a great deal.  I don’t know if they are all mums – some may actually have lives – and some are even men.  But generally its a female class (at least in the mornings).

I don’t know if it’s the frequent laughs; I don’t know if it’s the pain, which in a twisted way is enjoyable; I don’t know if it’s the group camaraderie or the fact I feel so good and full of energy for the rest of the day –  but I’m sticking with it and feeling pretty pleased with myself.   I will be out later this evening and I like to think I’ve earned some pretty good Prosecco points this week.

Alternatively perhaps I just have a perverse wish to hone my lizard impersonation !

Bodyforce Olney

Posted in Kids, Parenthood & Sausages | Leave a comment

Bizarre things children say to you and visa versa !

I recently found myself uttering the sentence “No you are not allowed to eat any more eyeballs until you’ve finished your lettuce.”  Granted if I lived, and was raising my child, in a witch’s coven this may be a perfectly common turn of phrase, but having uttered these words I started to think about the statements made in a house once you are a parent.  Or indeed statements made by your children that are really just part of a typical day.

Only this weekend my daughter said the following:

  • I can be a better pig
  • Oh no he just swallowed your bra
  • I need to wash my jelly

Now each of these were perfectly normal statements when taken in context.  She was doing an impression of a pig (obviously) and decided that putting on a pig mask would make her a better pig .. the mask was actually the lid of a pig shaped bin into which she then unceremoniously threw some of my underwear pretending the pig had eaten it for dinner.   As for the jelly – well if you drop your jelly on the carpet wouldn’t you want to wash it before carrying on with your pudding ?  Far nicer without all the fluff.

As all parents will testify, once you have children you begin to come out with the most ridiculous statements on a daily basis.

I have found myself saying: “Alright then we will wave goodbye to the poo .. bye bye poopy, bye bye.”  I’ve said: “don’t put your hand in the soup”; “take that out of your nose”; “put your bum away”; “no of course they aren’t worms .. I’m not going to give you worms for dinner”;  “you have to ask permission to be a dog” and “yes that poo is a very funny shape .. well I wouldn’t exactly say a penguin .. but funny nevertheless.”

And then there are the questions – the endless questions – which require quickfire answers.  Depending on the timing of such questions you can usually come up with something plausible to satisfy them – answers to questions like “why aren’t there elephants in England?” and “why are there so many stars” are fine.  Its harder when you get asked by a 4 year old very loudly in the park “Mummy what are those round things hanging at the back of that dog?”, or by small child running into your room (when you thought they were asleep), jumping on the bed at an inconvenient moment and asking  “Why do people have eyebrows?”.  I think I explained that they keep the sweat out of your eyes .. or something similar… really can’t recall.

And sometimes they just share with you all the fantastic things that enter their fabulous little imaginations.  I was once on the underground at half term when a little boy was challenging his Dad with the perfectly logical question of “Why don’t dinosaurs drive trains?” and I recently saw via a friend’s facebook status a little girl wanting to know “Why the moon doesn’t have feet.”

Often however you will get statements and opinions rather than questions and the wonderful thing about the mind of a child is the sheer certainty of what they think, like and believe – so I will leave you with a few of my favourite little gems from my daughter:

  • “Wouldn’t it be brilliant if the entire world was made of baked beans”
  • “I really like broccoli it makes me feel like I’m a giant eating a tree”
  • “The person in the car in front looks like they are dressed like a great big sausage”
  • “I think there might be lots of aliens in my underwear”

I would love to hear either some of the bizarre things your children say or the crazy things  you have heard coming out of your own mouths so please do share 🙂

And if you are still wondering about the whole eyeball/ lettuce thing … my sister recently bought the little one a jar of sweets shaped like eyeballs .. like I said when analysed these sentences are perfectly sane !

121111

Posted in Kids, Parenthood & Sausages | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The great horsemeat debate …

This week Tesco have purchased the “Giraffe” chain of restaurants and the obvious jokes about giraffe meat are surfacing along with a few that are still doing the rounds about the horse masquerading as beef scandal.  This has spurred to me to type a few thoughts on this matter.

Since I spawned a mad sausage fiend it will come as no surprise that this is a carnivorous household.  We don’t use swear words like vegetarian and just the other day I laughed heartily at a friends facebook status relating to someone offering to pick up some “vegan delights” for dinner.   “Vegan” and “delights” are two words that would never be in one sentence for me.   And speaking of swear words, even “well cooked”  is classed as swearing in this house.  The little one will ask “is there plenty of blood in it” if I have cooked beef or steak – so she either has a refined palette or is actually a small vampire.  I’m going for the former as she is rarely sparkly skinned unless she’s been spilling fairy glitter about the place.

My Grandfather was a Butcher (in a Butcher’s shop as opposed to a Sweeney Todd type way) so I grew up eating liver, kidney, hearts … any organ basically.  In fact my Mum often says that the only reason my Dad asked her out on a second date was because at the end of the first one my Grandad made him the biggest bacon sandwich he’d ever set eyes on.   My Dad also says that he’d hate to be in a crash and stranded on an island as he is pretty sure that my mother would eat him !

So I have no qualms about eating animals of any description.  This is why I don’t really understand about people’s outrage over the discovery that burgers and other processed meals are packed full of horsemeat.  I’m with the French on this one, they are no doubt shrugging in a gallic fashion and wondering what the fuss is about.   Aside from the small matter of fraudulent food labelling, it seems to me if you are happy to chomp down on a bit cow then what is wrong with a bit of horse ?

Between doing a bit of traveling over the years and living in Kenya for 5 years I’ve eaten my fair share of animals .. giraffe, zebra, crocodile, kangaroo, horse, impala, ostrich etc.. so I really don’t mind – it all tastes quite similar.  In Nairobi there is a Restaurant called “Carnivore” where the staff walk around with various large cooked animals on big skewers, carving bits off to serve you.  All this is done with a large smile and happy questions such as “would you like the Buffalo Madam – he is tasty” and  “A small piece of a gazelle for you?” .  There is a vegetarian option – or there was a few years back – a jacket potato 🙂  Although at times I was assured that chicken is a vegetable .. its not a cow or a goat (meat) so therefore it must be a vegetable.

But there are a few things I’ve not been quite so keen to eat including a) Scorpions – they simply weren’t disguised enough and just looked like scorpions  b) Guinea Pig – has to be done when in Peru – but again, it’s just too obviously a child’s pet laid out on a plate with the little feet left on – think less haute cuisine and more road kill !  [Although I love that in a church in Cusco there is a famous painting of The Last Supper that has Jesus sitting down to a feast of Guinea Pig !] c) Sparrows d) Chicken Fetuses e) Dog.

Dog gets served up quite often in Asia and some restaurants even have signs outside with pictures of cute pooches on them.   This is just a little bit far even for me ….

So my final thoughts on the matter are really that if you are going to buy processed meals for £1 or a pack of burgers for 60p you are going to be pretty lucky if you find any meat in there at all – cow or horse !

But so long as it doesn’t reach the stage where a hot dog really is a hot dog then I will happily continue to ensure my dinner is made up of things that used to have parents and faces.

528557_10200115013272495_532038635_n

Posted in Kids, Parenthood & Sausages | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Thoughts on Cupid – the chubby toddler with a weapon !

So it’s Valentines Day – I’m not the biggest fan of Valentine’s day, I never have been to be honest and I will therefore share my favourite quote ..  “I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day.  When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon”.

Facebook is filled with hearts and flowers and declarations of love – and its barely lunchtime … there will be more to come this afternoon and this evening and then those across the pond will join in.  And of course (to the joy of my Wedding Photographer friends) tomorrow will be all about the brand new Engagements because, lets face it, Valentines Day, New Year’s Eve and Christmas Eve are the times that the most proposals happen … men can be just a little bit predictable and unimaginative.  I’m glad we have something fizzy in the fridge to drink later because I will need it !

Don’t get me wrong I like a bit of Romance, I like surprise gifts and impromptu flowers, nice meals out and the odd unexpected bag of Haribos or jelly beans.. and trust me when I say I can happily ball my eyes out at a even the most cheesy Rom Com but I not so keen on occasions where you are told you ought to be Romantic – its a bit too fake and prescriptive and just too lacking in spontaneity.   When I was single it was a day I dreaded, it was worse than getting an invite with “and guest” on it, or better yet an invite without “and guest” because the person assumed you wouldn’t even manage to drum up a plus one to bring along.  It was as bad as a patronising conversation with what Bridget Jones always called the “smug married” people.  I used to enjoy going out with a good girlfriend for a gossip and a few glasses of wine and of course as someone once said to me if you are a single person out on Valentines day in a bar you can probably guarantee all the people there are single too.

For the geeks – here are a few statistics about Valentines Day – 85% of Valentines Day cards are bought by women (no kidding), 11,000 babies are conceived on average each year on Valentines Day (no surprise there) and 53% of women would end a relationship if they didn’t get something for Valentines day (seriously ?? – Birthday or Christmas perhaps but not a Hallmark holiday!)

But something changed a few years ago when I had a daughter and as soon as she could scribble she started to make me little Valentine’s cards and give me notes saying I love you and all sorts of other little tokens that were just the cutest little acts of love.  For example this morning I got the sweetest little card from her …

2013-02-14_0002

and I realised that Valentines day doesn’t have to be about having a wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend.  It doesn’t have to be about being single or in a relationship.  It can just be about doing something nice for someone you care about.   You can have a Valentine from your child, or your friend or your pet or even yourself .. its really just something that makes you smile.

2013-02-14_0001That said I will probably steer clear of Facebook for a bit .. it just all too nauseating quite frankly !

Posted in Life, The Universe & Friends | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Frozen Sausages & Extreme Weather Conditions

Happy New Year Sausage Lovers 🙂

Well it’s January, it’s Winter, it’s cold and what do you know … we have Snow !!  As ever when the white stuff appears as is it’s wont to do at this time of year, the Country comes to a standstill.  As a friend of mine on her fabulous blog put it “As usual there was a news special about the light dusting and words like ‘treacherous’ being bandied about left, right & centre.” (From – Muddy Boots and Mixed Tapes).

You would think there were scenes like this (below) everywhere – but there aren’t !!!

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 08.37.01It often snows in the UK in Winter but despite this we are never prepared for it.  Every single time this happens there is widespread panic and disruption.  Whether its a couple of centimetres – or as in this case a bit more in some parts of the country – everything stops.  Planes stop taking off and landing, trains cannot run along rails, people leave work in droves before the snow even arrives thereby gridlocking entire towns, schools close and the whole country grinds to a halt.   As this amusing cartoon states – people literally don’t know what to do.

Screen Shot 2013-01-24 at 18.46.20In the big scheme of snow and cold temperatures of course this is nothing – look at countries like Canada that regularly have temperatures of – 20c in Winter – they continue to function normally.  Places like Siberia where temperatures can drop to – 60c, there the hardy locals dress up in real fur hats and long fur coats .. no Greenpeace supporters here … and go about their daily business, claiming they “have to wrap up and it takes a bit longer to get dressed but they are used to it” [loosely paraphrasing a BBC report]

Here however a smattering of snow across the country and chaos ensues.   This is not unprecedented of course.  It’s fair to say that whatever the weather we have in the UK – hot, cold, rain, snow, fog .. we fail to cope with any of it.

We constantly bemoan our lack of sunshine for example and at the mere hint of a bit of sun people are stripping off and exposing their scary-looking blueish-white bodies to the elements.  When I worked in London whenever the sun came out any available bit of park or patch of grass would contain a half-naked office worker getting a blast of UV in their coffee break or lunch hour.  The streets would be packed outside every pub and people would actually look happy.   Head abroad and the situation is even worse.  You find yourself surrounded by completely sunburnt British people with tan lines that make them look as if they are still wearing their T-shirt or vest – and skin that makes you wince to look at it because you know exactly how much that is going to be hurting them in a few hours time.  The French of course refer to the English, not terribly affectionately, as “Roast Beef” and by that they don’t mean we are the colour of the badly cooked stuff we often get in this country – i.e.: Brown, but rather that we resemble beef the cooked French way – the colour of bright red blood.  And they would be right.

We long for the sun and of course when it does come it’s “an unbearable heatwave” there is humidity, it’s much too hot, “temperatures are soaring”, there is no air-conditioning, conditions on public transport are “horrendous” and the Evening Standard has screaming headlines like “Chaos for commuters as Tube buckles in the heat”.

There is of course “Chaos for commuters” whatever the weather – in Autumn we suffer from leaves on the line and famously have suffered from “The wrong type of snow”.  This past year of course though, rain has been the problem.  We had endless non-stop rain for days and weeks on end during what was famously termed “Britain’s Worst Drought since 1976” .   We have since suffered with endless floods throughout the Country but I’m confident that by March we will have the obligatory Spring Hosepipe Ban securely in place.

Assuming that the “Big Freeze” would only last a few minutes and we’d be encountering “The Big Thaw” in no time I took the liberty of putting a little snowman in the freezer for my little one.

DSC_5039-14

However – the snow remains and they say more is coming – if so I think the time has come to embrace the snow, carry on as normal and be a bit more creative .. I plan to make one of these …..

35430_134333603264877_250568_n

Posted in Rants | Leave a comment

Could you just rustle up an Angel outfit for tomorrow…?

When you become a parent among the thousands of other skills you need, you also apparently have develop the ability to rustle up amazing outfits out of thin air .. they can be animals, book characters, nativity play characters, characters from films, you name it, you need to somehow throw it together in time for your offspring to arrive at Nursery, Pre-School or School appropriately attired.  This year I got away lightly only needing to magically create a cat, a dog and a pirate but it got me reminiscing about some of my past masterpieces.  Obviously I’m quite creative so I’m not one to purchase a fairy outfit for all eventualities from Tescos or a historically accurate recreation of a period costume off of the internet.  No, I prefer to get out the glue and scissors and see what sort of monstrosities I can create.

When my daughter was small the aim was for the outfit to make her look hilarious purely for my own amusement and at the detriment (usually) of her comfort – Case in point – The Lady Bird outfit for “Mini-Beast Day” (or as they were called when I was young – insects).  As you can see the outfit scared her and made her cry, but I liked it !

2012-12-19_0002

On another occasion for “Under the Sea” I fashioned her a mermaid outfit – again I thought she looked hilarious – but she wasn’t impressed – particularly with the scratchy uncomfortable wig.  This was later adapted for “Peter Pan Day” – when quite memorably having watched me spend around 2 hours (I can’t sew well) adapting the mermaid outfit and perfecting my impression of a person with Tourettes, she said the immortal words “I don’t want to be a mermaid anymore I want to be Tiger Lilly” .. the temptation to send her into school in PJs as Wendy was huge but I’d made the mermaid outfit so she was wearing it whether she liked it or not.  Also featured below a “Pirate Day” outfit from a couple of years ago – I managed to reuse the cardboard and tinfoil cutlass for Pirate Day this year but the spectacular and amazingly realistic shoulder parrot didn’t survive.

2012-12-19_0003

Book week is always a great time of year too .. you could doubt your own sanity during book week – the last one saw me walking through the sunlit snow hand in hand with Gobbolino the witches cat, passing Angelina Ballerina, an array of Princesses, The Gruffalo, several superheroes, Ben10 and Mr Bump on the way.

Finally in the spirit of being festive I leave you with one of my favourite creations – The Christmas Cracker – enjoy ….

2012-12-19_0004

Posted in Kids, Parenthood & Sausages | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Freezing mornings and jobs …

I was pondering the last couple of days how hard it is to drag yourself out of bed on a freezing morning to defrost the car, do the school run, and go to work – particularly if you don’t really like your job.  The temptation to stay in the warm, under the duvet is just enormous.  Yesterday for example it was absolutely freezing, the car took ages to clear and my hands were completely numb .. but I was spurred on my two things:  1) there was a stunning colourful sunrise and 2) I am lucky enough to work from home, running my own business doing something I love.  There is the odd rubbish day of course but 98% of the time its great.

I recall on the one of the 2% days .. I was driving along reflecting on the fact that I really don’t enjoy doing my bookkeeping when I passed a grown man, standing by a roundabout dressed as spiderman and wearing a massive dominos pizza box .. Its fair to say this made me completely reassess the crappy bits of my job.

On another occasion I spotted a vehicle that frequents my local area .. its is named “The Poo Lorry”.. and rest assured it seems to do exactly what it says on the tin. Again I ruminated on the amount of job satisfaction experienced by The Poo Lorry employees.  I told my daughter all about it (mainly because it includes the word Poo which never stops being funny to a small child) and this led to a great conversation.  She wanted to know if the man that drives The Poo Lorry has to go work each day in a uniform that makes him look like a big poo!!  I love the sheer brilliance of this suggestion but think in all honesty clearing sewage can’t be much fun so having the added humilation of dressing like a human turd does seem a bit beyond the call of duty.  Pity though its a great idea!

Obviously compared to factory workers in the 3rd world this job and many others aren’t  that bad but for fun I did a little bit of googling about the worlds worst jobs and came up with a number of sites all containing  suggestions … there were loads to choose from but here are a handful:

a) A man who collects Elephant sperm by putting his hand up the backside of Elephants and manipulating the prostate.

b) Fluffers: My daughter said one day that she’d named one of her toy dogs “Fluffer” I don’t think there is ever a good time to explain what this is to your daughter but when she’s a mere 6 years old is definitely not the time.

c) The people who clean up the vomit at theme parks.

d) A “Taser Tester” – someone that willingly allows someone else to put several thousand volts of electricity through them.

e) Lindsay Lohan’s Personal Assistant.

Like I say I’ve been pretty lucky with jobs I’ve done .. they have been many and varied and mostly enjoyable – for a time I worked at Waterstones .. I never actually thought to do what you see in the picture below but I really really wish I had !

books

Posted in Photography/Business Stuff | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

‘Tis the Season for the School Nativity Play …..

I love this time of year as my little one has started opening the advent calendar and gets more excited with each day that passes.  It is also the time Mums, Dads, Grandparents and other carers go to school to watch the little ones perform the Christmas Show at School.  My little girl is now in Junior School where they are considered too old to do a Nativity play and they just do a normal school play which I will see tomorrow – its a bit sad thinking the Nativity play years are behind us. I’ve watched 3 years worth of really cute, hilarious, performances when she was an infant.  She has been a sheep, a narrator and a towns-person.  I’m a bit sad she never got to be an Angel – she would have made great Angel 🙂

No matter which songs are chosen and where the school is,  Nativity plays always include a number of common features :

1) It is compulsory for Mary to have no front teeth.  (And on the subject of teeth it is entirely possible that a tooth belonging to a member of cast may even fall out during the performance).

2) There will always be an least one child who picks their nose throughout the entire show.

3) The child chosen to deliver the most lines will always have the fastest speaking voice in the world and it will be impossible to discipher a single word they are saying.

Lines will be forgotten, people will stand in the wrong place, everyone will wave at their Mum or Dad during the performance and children will audibly tell other children off for doing their bit wrong.  but none of this matters because the whole thing is adorable and there will not be a dry eye in the house.  At least for the Mums it’s a bit of a blub-fest.

And sometimes it might just be very, very funny … I saw the video below on facebook last year and its totally hilarious .. I just re-found it to post here and its still as funny this year – so if you’ve not seen it before – enjoy !!

Posted in Kids, Parenthood & Sausages | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment